What is ‘success’?
I was told I could have it all. Turns out all I want is a garden.
I’m a card-carrying member of Generation X, the generation raised on We Can Have It All™. The sales pitch was very clear: women before us fought so that we could climb career ladders and have families and follow our passions and stay endlessly productive and look good while doing it. And if we didn’t? Well, shame on us for letting the sisterhood down.
But sometimes I think the pendulum swung so far that it clocked us on the head on the way past.
I’ve been career-driven most of my life. I chased the job I wanted, first as a commercial pilot (because why pick a relaxing job when you can fly a metal tube through the sky at a great rate of knots), and then as an air accident investigator, which is mostly corporate life with occasional mountain-side drama or bushwhacking, lots more acronyms and a higher baseline of stress. It was the career I wanted, and I don’t regret a second of it. I never wanted to get to my age now and think, “I should’ve done it. I should’ve followed that path.”
I followed it. I achieved my goals. I reached the top of the mountain I’d set out to climb.
And from the top of that mountain, do you know what I discovered?
I’d much rather be in my garden. In gumboots. Pulling weeds. Looking at seedlings like they’re newborn children. Wandering around aimlessly with a cup of tea, pretending I’m inspecting an estate.
Because if there’s one thing corporate life teaches you (and trust me, aviation bureaucracy teaches this impressively fast), it’s that a job is just a job at the end of the day. It ends. Someone else replaces you quick smart. You hand in your security pass and they deactivate your login faster than you can say “exit interview.”
But a garden?
A garden is the exact opposite.
A garden never ends. A garden never stops giving. Even when it’s 80% weeds and 20% “things I planted deliberately,” there is joy. A sense of future. There’s always next season, next year, the next grand idea you partially sketch on the back of the power bill.
There’s an old saying:
And it must be true, because gardeners, unlike corporate KPIs, are never, ever finished. We’re always tweaking, adjusting, dreaming, scheming, shifting things half a metre to the left and hoping it works out this time.
And after a career full of seriousness, structure, KPIs, investigations, and a level of professional responsibility that could induce wrinkles on sight, the thing I want most now is.… dirt. Plants. Mud. Beauty that unfolds slowly rather than quarterly.
Am I grateful for the opportunities afforded me by those women who went before? Yes! But am I a much older, wiser feminist now, firmly grounded in reality? Sure am.
I spent decades believing I wanted it all - the career, the kids, the achievement, the identity, the success.
Turns out what I actually makes me most happy is tomatoes that don’t split, roses that don’t sulk, a spot in the sun to drink my tea while quietly ignoring emails, and a place to raise grounded kids who can name all the flowers in my garden.
That feels like having it all, more than any corporate job ever did.
Did you know?
Apparently….
“What flower resembles a dragon? That would be the beloved snapdragon! If you gently squeeze the sides of the flower, the petal dragon's mouth will snap open and closed.”
So, picture me, out there gently, and then not so gently, squeezing the flower and concluding that one needs an AWFUL lot of imagination for this ‘fact’ to become a reality!
What to do in the garden this week
Northern Hemisphere
❄️ If you live in a particularly cold climate, you may need to insulate hoses and wrap exposed pipes, so the water keeps flowing. We have a small heater on a timer in our pump house, otherwise on the coldest days, the water in the pipes freezes and we have no water supply to the house or garden until it thaws. I also bring in all my water timers after learning the hard way that leaving them out to freeze and thaw repeatedly totally wrecks them.
🌹Can you still plant bulbs? YES!! The only time it’s too late to plant bulbs is if your ground is frozen. If you can get a spade into the dirt, then you can plant a bulb.
💦Plants do still need water in winter, so if you’re having a particularly dry one, consider the moisture needs of your plants. Otherwise, water sparingly as rainfall usually provides more than enough for the winter period.
🌜Dream unrealistically about next season.
Southern Hemisphere
🍅 Pick tomatoes, courgettes, beans, herbs and berries regularly.
🌸 Keep up your succession sowing of lettuce, rocket, carrots, beetroot and beans + your annual flowers.
🍅 Tie up tomatoes, climbers and anything that’s likely to flop over - especially if you’re going to be away for a while and aren’t home to attend to it.
🍓 Apply liquid feeds weekly to support your heavy croppers.
💦 It’s officially that time of the year when you start to have heart palpitations about whether your garden will survive without you while you’re on holiday. I’ve arranged for a friend’s daughter to come and water all my pots using the lure of generous pocket money. For everything else I’ll just have to hope that the irrigation doesn’t decide it’s a good time to have a meltdown while I’m away.
Merry Christmas!
To all my readers, thank you for your commitment to The Manic Botanic this year. I hope you all have a very merry christmas. For those who keep working over the christmas holiday season, I can empathise. I’ve been there, done that. I hope you get to have some time with family and friends, nevertheless.
Merry Christmas everyone 🤶
What’s new on Behind the Garden Gate this week?
🌿Feature plant: this week it’s all about hedges. If you want to grow a thriving garden, but you live in a windy area, then hedges are a must-have. You’ll struggle to grow happy, healthy plants without the aid of a good hedge, or three. I have so many hedges. So, SO many. So, this post is all about my hedges and their pros and cons to help you decide whether they’re right for your garden.
💰Earn an income from your garden: This week it’s a ‘two-for’. I’ve added a post all about how to avoid crashing your entire business plan by being overly reliant on one income stream, and I’ve also written a short post about where to source images for your website or social media posts. You can get in significant trouble for just copying images you find online, so I’ve written a blog style post on how to avoid the pain and source suitable images when your own garden hasn’t provided quite the right photo.
📸Snapshot shed: This week’s photos to inspire your love of gardening.
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Oh, how fast they do grow!
My little chicks are growing fast. That’s dad on the right, The Mighty Red Baron. Now I’m just crossing all my fingers and toes that we get more princesses than princes for Cluckingham Palace!
