I’m not intolerant, I’m quirky
Things I’m absurdly fussy about in the garden (depending on your point of view)
I like to think of myself as a relaxed gardener. I try new plants, I embrace whimsy, and occasionally I even let a “mistake” survive long enough to see if it behaves.
I am, however, the human with the absurd (depending on your point of view) veto list. The one who has strong opinions about things that probably have no business being controversial, but who’s intent on causing a stir anyway.
Here are the things I just can’t handle in my garden, in no particular order:
bright yellow flowers
carnations
brussels sprouts.
gnomes
Bright yellow flowers.
I do not like them. Not a little. Not even a “maybe it’ll grow on me” kind of dislike. Bright yellow flowers are like the garden equivalent of someone playing the trumpet in your living room at 3 a.m.
Pastel yellow? Fine.
Soft, apologetic, “I hope you don’t hate me” yellow? Acceptable.
But fluorescent, neon, look-at-me yellow? Nope!
Sunflowers? Only if they’re cream or burgundy, because apparently, I cannot compromise with nature. Rudbeckia? Out. Magnolia ‘Honey Tulip’? Allowed, but only because it’s polite, subtle, and from a distance, I can convince myself it’s cream.
As penance for my intolerance, the Gods of Gardening have decreed that any time online suppliers make a mistake with my order, it’s a bright yellow mistake. I’m certain they do it just to spite me.
Photos: on the left….NOPE!!!! On the right? Pretty. And no, that’s NOT yellow. It’s CREAM. Cream I tell you.
Carnations.
Maybe one day, when I’m a nana, I’ll like them. Maybe I’ll sit in a rocking chair and sip tea while being gently charmed by the frilly little devils. But today? No. I can’t stand their 1980’s-funeral-vibe impertinence. I don’t even have a rational explanation.
Brussels sprouts.
Ah, brussels sprouts. The vegetable that haunts my very soul. Let me be clear: I would never, ever, grow brussels sprouts. Why? Because I don’t want to eat tiny, bitter little cabbages, so why would I grow tiny, bitter little cabbages in my garden?
I don’t understand people who like brussels sprouts. They’re either heroic, or slightly defective in the taste bud department.
And there’s trauma here, people. Childhood trauma. My mother served brussels sprouts and broad beans together in the same meal. More than once.
The horror. The betrayal. I’m still not over it. I have what I can only describe as post traumatic vegetable stress disorder - PTVSD. Symptoms include cold sweats at the sight of little green globes, nightmares involving tiny cabbages rolling across the floor, and involuntary eye-rolling at anyone claiming that brussels sprouts are “delicious.”
I’ll happily stick with my clearly aristocratic taste buds, thank you very much.
Gnomes.
I like garden art. I like quirky. I even like a touch of weird. But gnomes? They’re the garden equivalent of socks with sandals.
BUT, there’s a caveat to this one. Yes, I’m contradictory. Some might even say hypocritical. And they would be well within their rights to assert such things. For there is one gnome who has found a home here.
Gary.
I’m not sure what it is about Gary that sets him apart. I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Photos: on the left? NOPE! On the right….that’s Gary. Gary is part of my companion planting plan in The Whitehouse helping keep the pests away. No one messes with Gary.
So yes. I’m absurd (depending on your point of view). I’m picky. I overthink colour theory, floral aesthetics, and the social consequences of including gnomes.
But the garden is mine, and it’ll be free of neon yellow, carnation frills, kitsch gnomes, and tiny bitter cabbages forevermore.
And I shall go on presuming I’m simply over-endowed with style and panache to justify my, probably slightly controversial, gardening opinions.
Did you know?
Bees see ultraviolet patterns on flowers that are completely invisible to humans. What looks like a plain old nasturtium to us is like glowing airport landing lights to a bee (nice link between my aviation background and gardening hobby there, if I do say so myself).
What to do in the garden this week
Northern hemisphere
🌧️Check drainage after heavy rain or snowmelt - soggy roots = sad plants.
🌳This is probably your last window of opportunity when it comes to planting bare roots trees.
🪻If you left perennials over winter for seed heads or to help the birdlife, you need to cut those back now to make way for new spring growth.
🌞 You can use cloches on the soil to help warm it up.
🌱You can sow broad beans outdoors in milder areas (though I don’t know why you would - heinous abominations, second only to brussels sprouts, but hey, you do you! )
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Southern hemisphere
🌸Keep on dead-heading summer bloomers to help extend the show into autumn.
🌳Got young trees? Water deeply if you’re having a late summer dry spell.
✂️ Keep your mower at a higher setting at this time of year - scalping the grass in the summer heat isn’t ideal.
🍅 You can pinch out the tops of tomato plants at this time of year to redirect energy into fruit.
🪴Don’t forget to water your pot plants daily. As the season comes to an end, it’s easy to forget.
🌿 You can harvest and dry herbs such as oregano and thyme.
What’s new in Behind the Garden Gate this week?
🌿Nitty gritty: this week it’s all about how I choose plants. What do I consider before I spend a cent on anything? This article provides you with all the details about what I’m thinking about when it comes to planting trees, shrubs, and perennials.
😩 Friday Fails: this week you get to see my latest ‘well THAT didn’t go quite as I planned it’ garden disaster.
📷Snapshot Shed: as usual, more photos to inspire you with my late summer garden.
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Did you see these on Instagram?
These are photos taken by Miss 18 at 4am during a full moon this week. Only an 18 year old would be up at 4am! But I’m glad she was. She’s captured some really lovely, serene scenes in my garden.
